Year: 1993
My age: 11
For my first story I would like to share one of the first serious disagreements I had with my narcissistic father. There's some preamble but it just boils down to me being a poster child during my early childhood, I truly was a good kid: very decent grades, excellent behavior, loved by teachers, smart, independent (as long as it didn't go against him or his wishes of course). My dad in return treated me very well, I was a narcissist father's dream. I was almost always idealized by him. He expected perfection though and if I got only good grades he'd push for more (gently though since he was idealizing me). Growing up I only had two serious problems with him (during my first 10-11 years of life in which I very seldom, if ever, questioned him): these two will be a matter of other stories (they of course have to do with me denying him narcissistic supply by not doing something he wanted me to do which was supposed to be totally optional).
It was during the rough middle school years that one day while we were getting ready to watch a nightly game (it was the playoffs) he said something racist about one of the players. It wasn't the first time I heard him say something racist, he did in fact have a habit of telling racist jokes now and then, however this time he was totally out of context, not joking. He said something horrible and I was really upset hearing him say that. I protested gently, I asked him how he could say that. His response was denying he was a racist, followed by ranting and out of nowhere some rage. He settled down and told me that he wasn't racist at all that he had black and Jewish friends and that he had never once done anything to harm them. He continued saying that he just wasn't attracted to black women and that he thought it was repulsive (I'm just quoting him I apologize for his words).
I still wasn't sold, I was like how can you say that? I was between shock and fear of him yelling again. I wanted to drop the matter, I just didn't want to fight but he said something so irrational and mean that I just couldn't help myself: you don't see cats and dogs breeding do you? Then why does the government allow blacks and whites to get married? I questioned him again, I just had to. I said it was a mean thing to say and it didn't even make logical sense, if anything he should refer to different breeds of animals, not species. It was a combination of him yelling at me and dismissing me. Like he was tired of MY crap at that point. He tried to make me shut up and ignore me at the same time and I didn't stop, until the loud yelling came back and I got sent to my room. The racism debate would always come back in one form or another, with different reactions from me but always showing how he really felt, despite him saying otherwise.
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